


listen for me

by orangeshoe



Category: K (Anime)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Angst, Night Terrors, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, saruhiko hurts but misaki is learning to take care of him, they are engaged
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-23
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-09-26 11:03:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9892577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orangeshoe/pseuds/orangeshoe
Summary: Saruhiko feels it sometimes, raw and thick and unwanted. The air feels like it closes in around him and he shakes, shakes because he’s scared and his body feels like it’s growing cold.Sleep isn't really all that restful.





	

Saruhiko feels it sometimes, raw and thick and unwanted. The air feels like it closes in around him and he shakes, shakes because he’s scared and his body feels like it’s growing cold. He laughs a little to himself in that apartment bedroom, and it feels like it echoes and bounces off every empty wall.. he knows Misaki is staying over, sleeping so soundly just beside him. He can depend on him. But every now and then he feels the chill; it runs up and down his spine and he can’t continue to lie down, can’t let it win. He has to move, he thinks as he tries to untangle himself from those damned bedsheets. He sits up, then slowly stands.. The room is dark and vaguely blurry without his glasses, but he’ll manage as soon as his eyes adjust.

What was he dreaming about.. Had he been dreaming about anything at all? All he’d known was that he felt cold, too cold, reminding him of that big empty house with the man who would scold him that one week a month he came home and found a rise in the electric bill.

“Aww, the little monkey just couldn’t keep his monkey tail warm enough, could he?” The familiar taunt, that mocking drawl, it echoed hauntingly in Saruhiko’s head and he desperately tried to drive it out. ‘No more, damnit.. I’m done with you..’

He staggered to the little drawer across his bed, tall and sturdy. It felt good beneath his fingers, some sort of support as he attempted to sort his thoughts. The pounding of his heart was trying to drain out his mind, but damn it all if he could just manage to come out of this on his own. It's been far too long. Shaking, his fingers tried to still each other, trying to reach some form of stability. He felt the ring on his left hand roll along his finger and he looked down at it. There was a slow but calming warmth that started to flow through him.. a warmth that was familiar yet felt new every time. 'Misaki..’ that’s right. 'He is mine and I am his.. forever. With this we made a promise…’ a promise he planned to keep, however odd it still struck him. He could do this.

“Maybe you can, but what about your little friend?” There was that voice again. “Just another banana for the monkey, right? No different than the rest–”

“You’re wrong!!” He found himself saying out loud, sternly. He started to kneel against the drawer, his sense of gravity pulling him to his knees on the floor. His voice shook. “..you’re wrong..”

There was a rustle on the bed.

“..Saruhiko?” Misaki’s sleepy but attentive voice spoke up softly. “Are you okay?”

He fought so hard not to bite back like he usually would, _That's a stupid question_ , but then again maybe that would've been better than the dead silence he gave instead. This wasn’t the first time. It didn’t happen often, at least not as often as it did when he was alone here, but it happened enough that Misaki didn’t feel the need to come bolting out of bed in a panic. Saruhiko felt a little guilty, making these outbursts something normal for his partner.

He stayed in silence for a moment. Maybe he could handle it himself this time.. He just had to gather himself. Just sit up, pull himself together. He didn’t need to talk about it or even just sit and have a snack. ..but.. sitting under the kotatsu didn’t sound too bad right now. Shutting his eyes and gathering his strength, he pulled himself to his feet again. As soon as he was sure he had his balance and his legs wouldn’t give out, he went to the bed just as soon as Misaki had sat up. 

“Hi,” was all he said, and lately that seemed to be enough. It gave Misaki a signal that he could speak and was well, but also let him know that things were not technically well and he needed help. And Saruhiko dreaded asking for help. 

They sat with a small tea in each of their hands and silence filled the small living room. There was no conversation, no pleasant small talk, and most importantly no questions. That was the way he liked it. He’d come home again tomorrow after work and spend the night curled up against his fiancé, just like he did every week. He’d hold him in his arms and remember, yes, this is real, he’s real, he loves you and has committed his whole being to you. That voice would be the only one filling his mind, his thoughts, that sweet voice clouding out the vicious cackle that dwelled in the back of his head. 

And that was the way he liked it. 


End file.
